17 February, 2008

2008, the perfect time to start campaigning for 2012

Meh, the 2008 elections are annoying, irritating and horrid - horrid as a train wreck that you can't look away from. Of course we have been following them closely and regretting every minute we spend on them. Out of all the candidates, Clinton is probably our favourite (right after Mike Gravel who, unfortunately, has as much of a chance of winning as Bush winning a spelling bee). We don't know why we like Hillary, we just do. Obama annoys us - having studied politics and history - worlds like "hope," "change," and "future" don't appeal very much. These things have always been promised, rarely delivered without a major public movement to achieve specific change on specific issues (like the Civil Rights movement). Right now, there's really no such movement, most of the country is anti-war, but is too apathetic to do anything about it, the country is complacent about lingering racism and misogyny..... Hell, we don't even get outraged about torture and there are some that condone it and if we can't come to a consensus about torture, then we're pretty fucked as a country. Of course Obama is tons better than the Republican candidates and if he's the Democratic candidate, we will support him wholeheartedly. On the Republican side, we have McCain, a hypocrite and a warmonger, Huckabee, who doesn't believe in evolution or mathematics, and Ron Paul who we'd never vote for even if we agreed with him on every issue just because of his supporters. Ron Paul supporters, if you've been lucky to avoid them, have this extremely annoying habit of inserting themselves in any discussion. For example, someone holding a televised debate on whether or not monkeys should wear raincoats will probably be assaulted by a Paulbot who will proclaim that Ron Paul isn't just a great candidate, but also better than a monkey in a raincoat.

The most annoying thing about the elections is the media. Its a great time to be a "journalist," no longer do you need to get news, or even fabricate news. Modern media is all about reading polls, pie charts and bar graphs - you know, stuff you learn in elementary school. All the other time is spend punditising and speculating. Is Obama a secret muslim or merely an alien from the planet Zorkon sent to Earth to gobble up all its delicious pineapples? Do Clinton's pantsuits make her look fat? What are the candidates positions on how to peel an orange? What do 43 1/2 year old white female voters who live in Cleveland and eat yogurt for breakfast think of Chuck Norris' endorsment of Huckabee? No - these aren't pointless, annoying wastes of time - they're "news" ("news" being defined as a pointless, annoying waste of time).

Alas, it seems to be our fate to become more and more cynical with every election, and with Bush still in power for nearly an entire year, we're seriously considering relocating to Zorkon (with a big batch of pineapples).


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