29 November, 2005

Aaargh... the Cave Trolls are coming to eat the blueberries... time to panic and complain

There is of course one thing to do: Panic. Once you are done, then you should follow the example of the Talibornagains and whine. Whine until you can't whine any more then whine some more. Then make a massive media campaign to get others to panic, then whine until every single man, woman and child is convinced that a massive horde of Cave Trolls is on the way to eat every single blueberry that graces this planet. Politicians will be outraged, other politicians will be outraged by the outrage and pretty soon everyone will have the image of blueberry eating Cave Trolls firmly ingrained in their minds.

Of course, this comes from the latest Talibornagain campaign, the "War on Christmas." Promoted by holy peddlers of politically correct hatemongering(we don't hate the Jews, we love them and can't wait for them to be obliterated by nuclear weapons in Israel so we can get raptured to that giant kegfest in the sky) such as Jerry Fallwell and media whores like Bill O'Reily. A new book, "the War on Christmas" by John Gibson(who should be praised for his hair, by the way, if everyone had helmet hair like that, head traumas could be eradicated) apparently explains how evil, terrorist-supporting, baby-eating, monsters are trying to destroy Christmas and make baby Jesus cry. Their most evil scheme is using the phrase "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." If you hear someone say "Happy Holidays," you should immediately blast them with your giant laser blaster of doom because it means that they hate you and want to turn your children into tasty sushi to be served in their organic smoke-filled opium dens with daily poetry readings. It does not mean that good Christian capitalists are smart enough to realise that they can make good money by marketing to people who celebrate other winter holidays. No, they're out to get you. Start to panic now. Then whine, and whine again after all you don't want to take the chance that the Cave Trolls actually will come and eat all the blueberries.

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